I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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