So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
