I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
