Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
