After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
