just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Who died my cat blue again?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
