That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
