you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
