He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
