We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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