We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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