I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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