you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
