walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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