My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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