Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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