So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
