I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
