Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
