I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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