I feel like I'm in dance class right now
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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