this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
