my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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