Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
