thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My balls are so social today.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
