If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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