So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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