So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
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My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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