Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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