I wanna bring you to show and tell
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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