So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
