I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
