the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
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where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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