Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
