I think im going to throw up on grandma
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
