it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
