i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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