Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
