I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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