My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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