i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize