just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
