My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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