were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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