i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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