it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
