I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
