sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
