sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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