On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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