The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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