I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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