just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
