Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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