Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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