I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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