evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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