Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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