the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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