My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
